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Kink-friendly Resources

BDSM glossary of terms:


This website


has been called the “facebook” of kinky people, but I do have to put a warning for anyone who visits the website that there is explicit content there. There are good introductory threads and groups for “newbies” on the site and it is a way to meet your local kink community but BE AWARE and use basic caution whenever meeting up, (feel free to email me and ask questions).  You can find events local to you and go to a “munch” which is a casual, non-sexual meetup for people who are interested in meeting others interested in kink.  (For younger people most larger cities have groups for ages 19-39 so you don’t have to be intimidated by older kinksters.)


For new to kink/kinky couples, here is a scene negotiation checklist:


Common kink terms:

RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink

SSC – Safe Sane and Consensual

BDSM- from the above glossary, A composite acronym for “B&D” (bondage & discipline); “D&S” (dominance & submission); and “S&M” (sadomasochism). Used to refer to any consensual activities or lifestyles between adults which include some or all of these things. The term “BDSM” is used in a general sense to describe any situation or practice which includes erotic power exchangedominance andsubmissionpain playbondagesensation playor anything related to these.

Vanilla- also from the above glossary, Colloquial Not interested in or involved with BDSM or activities related to BDSM; as, a vanilla person.

For consenting adults (such as those who practice SSC and/or RACK,) BDSM is often part of a healthy expression of sexuality.  Education is increasingly emerging to the general public about kink, (although it is full of misunderstandings and misperceptions, e.g. Fifty Shades of Grey).  See this research article on its benefits: click BDSM.Kleinplatz.learning from extroardinary lovers

General public opinion can inappropriately merge kinky sexual activity with pathology or violence.  There is actually no definition for “normative sexual behavior” making a lot of discussion about sexuality ambiguous at the very least.  No matter what types of sexual activity you enjoy, as long as it is with consenting adults and it doesn’t meet the criteria for a paraphilic disorder, (see more here,) your activity is likely more “normal” (common) than you imagine it to be.  Having a paraphilia (fancy name for a fetish) is not considered pathological, although certainly you could experience societal judgments depending on the people with whom you choose to share this interest.

My advice is to exercise caution about what you choose to share and with whom but hopefully the “caution” doesn’t stem from shame, but rather compassion for the many people who are uneducated about the wide variety of sexual interests and activities that exist.

Attending the University of Michigan’s Sexual Health Certification Program has served to further expand my education and let me know that while professors of sexual health present on what may seem like very mainstream topics, (“heteronormative,” e.g. way more on monogamy than say, polyamory,) this is often because 1. this is where the evidence-based research comes from, 2. where the majority come from, and 3. they must present from the evidence.

Overall, my experiences learning from sexuality educators and sex therapists have served to further normalize the variety of sexual expression out there including kink/BDSM interests.


I prefer something like this list of Life Behaviors of a Sexually Healthy Individual to describe “normal” (better word “healthy”) sexuality.


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